Gilly Withers.
Retired teacher Gilly Withers has suffered pain and loss, but through Christian meditation she has found strength, love and deep joy. A long-time member of the World Community for Christian Meditation (WCCM), 10 years ago she became one of its oblates, who strive to live according to the guidelines set out in the Rule of St Benedict, written 1500 years ago. Here she reflects on her journey towards discovering her True Self, and the fruits of a life centred in meditation and monastic wisdom.
As a young person I was very much involved in the evangelical movement. In the 1970’s I became part of the Charismatic movement. Later I was drawn towards liturgical prayers, and I began to crave silence. I was a busy teacher of Classics and mother of two teenagers. In the school library, I found the 14th century mystical text The Cloud of Unknowing. Not knowing that others were doing the same, I found a mantra. I chose Talitha Koum, because these were words Jesus used.
Not long afterwards I discovered that there was a local Christian Meditation group. It was school holidays so I managed to attend. I found the WCCM, a wonderful community to whom I owe so very much.
Initially I struggled to find time for twice-daily meditation. Now Christian Meditation is the mainstay of my life. I have suffered loss and known pain but my life is anchored in the love of Jesus. Turning aside from my own concerns, my own thoughts, knowing from experience that I am loved, just as I am, has given me strength and deep joy.
Meditation builds true community. The shared experience of turning away from our egos draws us into deep conversation, turning together, towards the Other. A deep bond develops between complete strangers after time together in silence.
Meditating twice a day, whenever possible, and reading the daily excerpts from Benedictine monk John Main’s writing from Silence and Stillness in Every Season, compiled by John Harris, became my practice.
While attending a John Main Seminar at the Benedictine Monastery of Monte Olivetto, about 20 years ago, I first came across oblates. I started making enquiries. The role of an oblate in our community was not as clearly defined as it is today. I did find out that regular reading of the Rule of St Benedict was a clear commitment. I was completely put off by this little booklet. It was written 1500 years ago for a group of men living in a monastery during feudal times, when corporal punishment was readily handed out. This set of rules, written so long ago in a male-dominated, hierarchical society I thought was irrelevant to my life.
After 45 years of teaching, I retired. I was invited to a cell meeting. There I was introduced to the Rule with a commentary by Joan Chittister entitled, A Spirituality for the 21st Century. Slowly it began to dawn on me how profound this monastic wisdom is. I began to appreciate the Rule not as a set of regulations but more like a ruler, guiding the lines of a pencil, revealing the best path to take in all aspects of life - family, work, friends and social responsibility.
Sharing not only meditation, but reflection on the Scripture in Lectio Divina, and saying community prayers became very important to me, and just over 10 years ago I became an oblate.
Oblates of WCCM are all Benedictine monastics. A member of the WCCM is defined as anyone who meditates in the tradition of John Main. A WCCM Oblate is one of these members who also finds the Rule and wisdom of Benedict to be a particular source of wisdom.
I am not an expert on the Rule or a learned commentator but I would just like to share some things I am learning.
The Rule and the practice of meditation go hand in hand. Meditation teaches us to be who we are meant to be, to let go of self-preoccupation, where everything we do is driven by our egos, and to pay attention to the Other. The very first word of the prologue is “Listen”. Meditation is the art of listening, quietening our own thoughts, our own ideas and fears, and in the silence learning to know our True Selves.
The chapters on humility, at first glance and wrongly interpreted, may seem self-deprecating, but in reality they reinforce what meditation teaches. I am not the centre of the universe. When I think and act as if I am, I harm not only myself but everyone and everything else too.
St Benedict lived in a time in some ways not unlike our own, when social structures were falling apart and the world was in a state of upheaval. Monastic wisdom gives us a source of hope, vision and imagination for the construction of a new way of life.
Monastic wisdom offers strong guidance in dealing with daily problems and the challenges of living in a world where technology - supposedly there to make things easier - seems to make it more complicated.
The simple way of life illustrated in the Rule encourages more awareness of how important it is to build a healthy lifestyle, showing respect and kindness to others.
When reading the Rule, we must keep in mind that Benedict lived in a time which was also very different from our own. Some instructions would be completely impractical today and some, particularly corporal punishment, would be unacceptable.
We must judge what he says not by our standards but on the basis of the beliefs and practices of the time when he lived. We have to adapt certain parts to our modern practices. Throughout the Rule there are places where Benedict himself instructs the readers that if they and their community believe there is a better or more suitable way, they are free to make adaptations.
Recently I began reflecting on the Rule with a newer commentary. It is called St Benedict’s Rule, an inclusive Translation and Daily Commentary by Sr Judith Sutera OSB.
This book, with its commentary, is easy to read; and reflecting on the prayerful questions following each day’s reading helps to make the reading more relevant to daily everyday life.
Silence is very much a part of the monastic way. The periods of refraining from speaking seem very challenging to me. But I was intrigued on a recent visit to Bonnevaux, WCCM’s international retreat centre in France, where anything except essential words are discouraged until after lunch, when Grace, a delightful young Oxford student, asked about how she felt about not speaking, replied, “I love it. I don’t have to worry about whether I’m saying the wrong thing.”
We waste unnecessarily so much energy trying to find the right words. We worry about not upsetting others, but also about what it will make others think of us. And of course we often speak without thinking. It’s a rare person indeed who has never thought, “I wish I hadn’t said that”.
It’s amazing how much more you can get done when you stop chatting. In today’s age we also have to overcome the challenge of chatting on Facetime and WhatsApp. Working together in companionable silence, sharing an occasional smile or friendly glance, is a wonderful experience.
Benedict also roundly condemns grumbling of any sort, which not only makes us unhappy but undermines the peace of any community, whether it be our family, our work colleagues or sports mates.
The Rule is very prescriptive about the prayers that should be said and the psalms to be recited. We oblates are not monks living at time when the length of days, and even of hours, are determined by the season, but we do need to have discipline in our daily routine, and set times for prayer are very helpful. Since my return from Bonnevaux, where I had really enjoyed the structured day with definite times for prayer and meditation, I am trying to implement a similar structure in my own day.
Following a schedule which I have drawn up to fit with the requirement of my own daily commitments has been very constructive. Of course I don’t always stick to it, but it is helpful to me when I do. When a task must either be finished or left before it is time for the next activity, it means I apply more attention to the task at hand. I do what I can and then stop. Somehow this means I do not feel so pressured and enjoy the task at hand so much more.
The Rule is also very practical. I love to paint, and just the other day I was reminded of the chapter about caring for tools. I had not painted for a while. Some of my paints had dried up. Some of my brushes had not been thoroughly cleaned and they were all mixed up. My equipment seemed to be scattered about in different places throughout the house, the shed and the garage. So mindful of the Rule which tells us to treat all our tools as vessels used on the altar, I started to look at my painting tools with more respect. I set about cleaning them and sorting them out. Now they are a joy to look at and a pleasure to use.
Our circumstances are all different, and the way of living out the Spirit of the Rule of Benedict is both the same and wholly unique for each person.
I would encourage anyone who is seeking to follow the monastic way to read the Rule of St Benedict regularly with a good commentary.
This article is an edited version of a talk given at Benedict’s Well on 10 July 2023. Benedict’s Well is an outreach of the Benedictine Oblates of the World Community for Christian Meditation. The weekly event (Mondays) consists of a period of meditation followed by an inspirational talk.
See: Benedict's Well - YouTube