Rembrandt’s painting of the Prodigal Son
Forgiveness is a virtue “with which I struggle most profoundly” confesses Dr Hugh Kempster. Vicar of St Peter’s Eastern Hill in Melbourne, Australia, he reflects that ultimately human efforts at forgiveness are left wanting, and the power to forgive is a gift.
Forgiveness is a virtue that is so central to Christian faith, and yet one of the great challenges.
When serving as a chaplain at Geelong Grammar School, I was asked to take a psychological test: “Values in Action (VIA) Survey of Character Strengths” (https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu). This particular psychological assessment was developed in the early 2000s by Professors Chris Peterson and Martin Seligman, and has become one of the cornerstones of positive psychological testing. The science behind the assessment draws on universally acknowledged human virtues and strengths from a diverse range of spiritual and philosophical traditions.
The resultant “High Six” core virtues and twenty-four related character strengths form the basis of their subsequent cataloguing, research and testing:
(1) Wisdom and Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness/judgement, love of learning, perspective.
(2) Courage: bravery, persistence/industry, integrity/honesty, vitality/zest.
(3) Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence.
(4) Justice: citizenship/teamwork, fairness, leadership.
(5) Temperance: forgiveness, humility/modesty, prudence, self-regulation.
(6) Transcendence: appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humour, spirituality (i.e. religiousness, faith, purpose).
Every time I have taken this test, forgiveness has emerged as number one of twenty-four; my “signature strength.” Equally, it is a virtue with which I struggle most profoundly. I think that I have forgiven someone who hurt me, or hurt someone I love, but then anger and bitterness rise up again.
Jesus was very clear about the need to forgive, without limit: “Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times’” (Matt. 18:21-22).
There are three forgiveness-personae in tension within us as human beings. We see them at work in the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15.11–32): the parent, the elder son, and his sibling, the prodigal.
The parent seems to forgive instantly. But this gracious loving act is the fruit of many sleepless nights, indeed years of trying to forgive the selfish, hurtful behaviour of his impulsive child.
For the apparently unforgiving older brother, forgiveness is not such a high priority in his sibling’s absence; his father is battling with that demon. With the shock of his brother’s return, and his father’s seemingly unjust response, the older brother is not able to forgive; in that moment at least. He may never forgive his brother, but equally he may just need more time. The possibility of forgiveness and restoration of relationship is always present.
Thirdly, there is the prodigal. His father forgives him, but each day he is painfully confronted by his brother’s resentment and unforgiveness. Forgiveness cannot be forced and may be withheld indefinitely. This is his cross to bear, the ongoing consequence of his actions, and a constant reminder that he too must forgive.
Another truth is at work here also. Ultimately the forgiveness of parent, sibling and prodigal are all left wanting. Forgiveness is a reality we need to actively work towards, but equally it is a gift, something beyond ourselves and our efforts. In his Easter Sermon, St John Chrysostom proclaims: “Let no one mourn that they have fallen again and again; for Forgiveness has risen from the grave.” Christ is true forgiveness personified.
As 20th century mystic and author Henri Nouwen writes, in his poignant reflection “Forgiveness: The Name of Love in a Wounded World” (Weavings, vol. vii, no. 2, 1992):
The hard truth is that we all love poorly . . .
We need to forgive and be forgiven
every day, every hour – unceasingly.
That is the great work of love
among the fellowship of the weak
that is the human family.
The voice that calls us the Beloved
is the voice of freedom
because it sets us free to love without wanting
anything in return.
This has nothing to do with self-sacrifice,
self-denial or self-depreciation.
But has everything to do with the abundance of love
that has been freely given to me and from which
I freely want to give.